Buzzingly normal
After a reinvigorating warm-up, she tapped my sternum and arms, gently pressed my stomach and firmly whispered some of my own words into my ear. Vibrating air reached my stereocilia and materialized into embodied truth:
“Okay, now let us hear about all that love that is inside of you. Do not hold back.”
Twinkles all over my body. The inner guidance of introspective awareness and mentalized willingness to decondition and transform took over the process. Something more profound and exalted let me to overcome the constraints of inauthentically patterned selves. Deep from the inner realms of rock-solid earth, high into the overpowering and expanding, ethereal landscape of the universe, life’s energy found its way straight along my spine. The expressiveness of the highly inimitable human voice, mastering even the details of fingerprints. Opening the core of my body, I instantly found the technique to flowingly let go of all inhaled disintegrations, no body part nor related memory left out of this release.
Multiple generations of agony ran straight through the top of the cabin – I imagined this set the whole place on fire. With the speed of light my previously concentrated pain body dissolved into broadening and broadening circles of vibrations. “This must be the end of it,” a thought passed quickly through my mind, but a transpersonal body changed the rules of the game my lungs and untrained vocal cords adhered to.
“Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
I could not have imagined more releasement of build-up tension. More than seven breaths of volumized strength, here it was. Finally releasing the last contracted vibrations my body absorbed too long out of fear of being nothing, a rainbow of colors flashed in front of my just opened eyes. An incredible amount of energy streamed through my body. Clearly a transcendent experience, transcendental wonder took over. I just lost many pounds of personal, and I would even say transpersonal emotional weight. I felt empty and inexplicably firm at the same time.
No academic test, no profile, could have ever mirrored my life’s energy in such an awakening manner. Guided embodiment of intensity never was this straightforward.
Thanks to the extremely present, professional, and integral guidance of Julliana Goodblood (https://www.juliannabloodgood.com/), this voice release session made me transform so much suffering into total authentic presence that I felt newborn.
In the days that followed, I allowed myself the imagination of demons checking out of the hostel for suffering some of my body parts were. My participation at the tantra festival of which this release session was part, felt equally transformative as ten years of psychological puzzle making. Every workshop, from breath work to learning how to fully, interconnectedly say yes to life, incrementally brought me closer to my abandoned emotional home. The existential training* leading up to my participation at the festival already offered the practice of exhaling anger – compression of bodily power frequently disguised as self-rejection – in a collectively created holding space. The voice release session at the end of the festival felt like the apotheosis of a couple of years of seeking existential freedom.
Communication, decision making, creativity. Everything is pouring out of my being, while an organizing power experientally seated in between my eyes takes notice of this process, learning to surrender to it with its own potential pointedness. Silently overjoyed, I feel the strength to write my own vows and finally yet humbly, through ongoing practice and all too human detours my everyday life contains, embody what I have always felt to be true all along.
A daimon awakened, and ‘I’ am its momentaneous expression. However esoteric this might sound, however unearthly lyrical these narrated processes may be perceived, life this way feels actually buzzingly normal.